Let Faith Arise!

Dear Tyler,

 To be completely honest I was really taken aback by your message, it wasn’t that I didn’t think this answer was a possibility, but rather something I kept far from my hope in what I thought you would say. I know, that you know my mannerisms and how I am not the type of girl to put herself out there and her heart on the line, had I not had the confidence in Christ to go through with what I believed he led me to. I’m telling you, I had so much confirmation you wouldn’t even believe it and after this message, every turn I take something of your nature unexpectedly presents itself to me. What he has planned, I do not know but I would like to clear a few things up in that I appreaciate your insight. The men that have come through in my life have never given any reason but to be a strong, independent woman. With that, I set myself to let God’s overwhelming love overtake me as I seek to know him that much more deeply and intimately than I ever thought possible. I dont feel that I really jumped into my decision because from my perspective I continuously prayed and sought answers on what to do from God. I trusted him to guide me in every way and I understand where you are coming from in that I didn’t truly know you. But, Tyler, I am not naive. I saw your character and I admired all that you portrayed. I have always been a trusting person, willing to wholeheartedly give of myself for the best possible outcome. I am a gentle, yet powerful person who may not always know what to say at a particular moment, but I’ve got to let you know this: I had never put myself out there before. This did not shatter me because our God is a healer and a redeemer, but I never knew how to brace myself from rejection. I completely and utterly wish I knew the words to change your mind because I really thought you had liked me as well. Throughout this all, my heart did hurt from a blow I didn’t expect to be meant for me all along, but I appreciate your sincerity in all its honesty. Maybe it was bad timing, but then again God has perfect timing, I truly do only want you to be happy. Even though, I’m biased towards who you should have picked, I respect your decision. She knows you and because of that, it’s comforting to you. This is not to say I couldn’t have gotten to know you, had I gotten the chance. But, that’s irrelevant because you have committed yourself to someone else. I cannot lie to you and say it won’t be hard to look at you and not wonder what’s crossing your mind or if a smile like yours was meant for me all along, but I shall move on, God willing. Dear Tyler, I trust God throughout this all. I know you had the best of intentions and I forgive you for your unintended pain towards me. You are truly a man of God, good night…

i just simply do not understand..

bewildered, that i am

unexpected sting from a backlash i didn’t believe was meant for me all along

how do boys deal with this?

rejection at its finest hour cuts straight to the core of an exposed heart, not ready

that’s what i was

hoping you’d say yes

i just don’t understand

…God you know I wouldnt have put myself out there, had I known such pieces of my heart would break at the realization of the truth

You are greater than this, I know

and have awesome plans for me, more extravagent than I could ever expect

but, mister, you I cannot see at this moment

a response, ha! i wish i was mature enough at this moment to see past this and see the genuine you…

was i too trusting for you, jumping too quickly…did that scare you?

advice, who said I needed it?

But what’s too quick when you only hope for the best?

Why couldn’t I let you in on my everyday?

Not even a chance, did you give me,

I dont want to hear your smile over the phone,

I dont want to know the sweetness that I thought was directed for me

please, if nothing else, give me this moment

this very second that my heart never even truly prepared for…

i mean, how do you brace yourself for rejection..

so please don’t smile at me, dont give me the time of day, you’re the sweetest I could ever know and I really hoped to call you mine

so, mister, at least grant me this wish…

because I never thought i was so truly invested,

I shall recover, because I am redeemed by the blood of the lamb…

i should have known, should have expected.

but I am not naive, just trusting and willing to give you everything, had you let me…

did you think you weren’t good enough, did you have to settle?

just, tell me this, why?

but if it be in God’s will, I hope she makes you happier than I ever could…

but like i said, i dont mean it

a simple yes or no would suffice…sometimes

 my God is not a liar

a response, is what I wrack my brain for in hopes maybe i’ll come up with the answer

I don’t want it to be awkward

in this moment, here…breathe it in

let go of everything else…just focus on the here and now

on me and you on right now

and what could be?

close your eyes in this peace, what do you see?

I don’t want to play games, anything said is better than nothing…

please dont turn out to be what I really hoped you weren’t.

In this moment, take it in…

     let me see what’s going on

Just let me know what’s going on in your mind

 no matter what it is…

in this moment I wish in the very least

you remember this moment as ours…

for you, I exposed my vulnerability

  please dont let me down

for you, I’d be your anything

 just to know for a moment you were mine

in this here and now…

   picture it: the smiles, the joy

alright, my case is drowning in your soul

waiting is what you’ve got me up to lately…

let me know?

this is the moment I’ve longed for along:

take my hand and open your eyes

 and make me your reality

I would love to make you smile, let you in on how I see the world, how I dream…

  I’d love to give you my everything, tell you every single detail that makes me who I am and know that you’d fall in love with such revelation…

 I’d love to touch the moon and back with how happy I’d feel with you close by…

  I’d love to watch the clouds float by, tell stories of how we get to be who we are, live within my idealism…

  I’d love to say I’m not scared

   that the thought of you unwraping my emotions with just a glance could occur…

  I’d love to say I’m mature enough to commit to you…

    how could I ever know?

  I want so badly to be there for you and laugh at the days that pass us by, it’d all seem like just one moment to me anyway since you’d be on my mind…

  I’d love to give you my heart and never look back…

   won’t we argue?

 See my heart?

I want to fall in love with you, if you’d let me…

   All these reservations, aren’t they what make the risk that much more worthwhile and invigorating?

 Take my hand, soothe my worries and jump into this with me…

   I can’t promise perfection but rather, my affectio in its purest form,

   don’t disappoint me, please?

  I’ve always been one to readily give up what I feel like I have a chance of losing, I don’t want to but if I have to in order to see you happy, I’d let go of this hope…

  You’ve got my attention, notice me?